The concept of ‘Acceptance’ through a traffic jam

It was 5.30 pm. And work was done for the day.

A rather odd feeling. I looked at people around me being animated, having group discussions and yelling over phone calls for impending deadlines. And here I was, scrolling through 9gag memes feeling the guilty tinge of being done with work.

“I could go home and play my guitar. I can cook something today!” My brain was calculating the possibilities. For a person used to leaving the office at 10pm, 5:30pm (which ironically was the official end of the day) becomes a half day.

I shut my monitor off, pack my bag and slowly slink towards the exit ignoring my gasping colleagues who keep looking at me and their watches in rapid succession. I sheepishly grin for those who notice and fly towards the lift.

The impatiently long lift journey was enough to contemplate on the various ways the next few hours could be used. In some ways it was rather sad how much joy just having few extra hours could derive. But it was joy nonetheless. And the projections of what you could actually achieve were enough to make you happy rather than the act itself.

Planning a thing is so much more fun, cause you live in this ideal state where everything works out systematically. Clockwork.

And then I head to the parking. I noticed a massive jam on the road. As if the road suddenly had become a makeshift parking lot for every frustrated commuter in the city. There was no motion. Just vehicles lined up till the horizon. Frustration levels rising proportionally to the decibel levels of their horns.

With the feeling of utmost resignation I plonk in my car and put my head on the steering wheel. A flash of anger took hold of me.

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCCKKKK!!!”

I was hitting the steering wheel with my hands cause that was the most non damaging way I could vent. I got out of the car to check the status of the traffic. It had only been two and a half minutes but I was somehow expecting a series of miracles to take place.

“Ahh! Fuck my life!” I yell at the road and get back in the car.

All I could feel was this insane build up of anger. This intense need to crush or throw things. It kept rising exponentially till heavy metal starting playing in my head in order to sync up with the cacophony of thoughts.

“This was my only day! How has it been taken away from me. All I wanted was a couple of fucking hours. Why is everything so unfair. Why does life has to be this fucked up. Why is anything not working out.”

A moment later I felt blank. I realised I was saying these things out loud and not just in my head, as I presumed. Fortunately since I was talking to myself inside the car and not on the road I didn’t look like a complete nut case.

I realised I was just cribbing and getting lost in that vicious circle. Cribbing like a spoilt brat throwing a hissy fit for not getting what he wanted. I suddenly saw myself for how stupid I looked.

I was just rejecting everything. Like an impenetrable force field around me I was fighting off every emotion.

“Stop fighting. Let it flow!”

Yes. The words from the Soothsayer in Kung Fu Panda 2 suddenly sprang up in my head.

For a moment there was this feeling of being light that followed. It was this feeling of acceptance. Accepting how things were. Acceptance not to result in stagnancy. But acceptance in order to move forward. Move on. To realise what you can change and accept what you can’t.

I stepped out of the car. Assessing how long it might take. There was a fast food joint nearby. I went and got some fries and a coke. Sat in the car. Put some music on. Reclined the seat. Sipped my drink, stuffing my face with fries as I watched people getting pissed out of their wits blaring their horns.

I smiled looking at them. Cause that is how doltish I looked a while back.

I have a couple of extra hours. Might as well do the best with my limitations. And then Led Zeppelin took over as I cranked up the volume knob.

Zen?